Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / July 1, 1912, edition 1 / Page 1
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VUJj. 111. iuUKAVlAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, JULY,. 1912. - -- . - a M NO. 5. The Ninety and Nine. There are ninety and nine that work and die ; , In want and hunger and cold, That one may live in luxury, And be lapped in the silken fold; And ninety and nine in their hovels bare, .' And one in a palace of riches rare. From the sweat of their , brow the desert blooms, x And the forest before them falls: Their labor has built the humble homes , " And the cities with stately halls. And the one owns cities and houses and lands, ' While the ninety and nine have empty hands. : V ; THE WAIL OF THE EAGLE. Squawk! Scat there! 1 Get out of my moonshine. ' You don't know me, I reckon. Well, I'm what's left of the American Eagle, by Ned! Great golly! , J ust to think what I've come to! Used to be the finest bird that ever toted feathers, -; Proud? Just hush! ;v -V ',' Why, I was that proud of my self I couldn't hardly keep still long enough to have my picture taken. ,-; ; 4:; - I was the living -emblem , of glorious American Liberty, and I used to hover over this nation like an old speckled hen over a setting of bantam eggs. I loved to flap my terrible wings in the face of my enemies, and show my claws, and see the kings of the earth tremble with fear. , . My birthday ?-oh, don't men-; tion it! ' - Poor old Fourth vOf.Uuly ! i Its glory has departed, and all that is left of it is a black .eye and a bad smell. . J' The glory is gone,;: but the' memory lingers. - , I love to think of what big' old times I used to have of how my friends vied with each other to do me honor. - But those days have passed. Look at me now. -. Ain't I a Jo Hun from Karo 1 Tail feathers all yanked out by the roots. Wings crapped. , Toe-nails broke and head skun. All be-draggled and be-drab-bled till I look - worse than the devil before day. Yes, I did represent Freedom: but I don't now.; I' , ?"v: ?,': I have been sold into slavery, and the boasted Freedom that I used to cackle over ; has 1 become the private property of a few multimillionaires. : The plutes ahd;politicians have bought the country and . paid for it with hot air, and I am kicked out at the back door to roost on the hog-peri and live- on the fat of my guts. f ''' Oh, Freedom! i, ' Oh, Fiddlesticks! ' Oh; Fudge! : . Ha, there, Mister 'Fraid-b'the-, truti, you old golly-snortin', turkey-trottin' son of a 'green eyed sap-sucker, I guess you had better get . your smelling-salts ready, and chunt a soft nlace to (UalLj In other words; get ready ' Recipe for a Liar. Take the soul of a yaller dog, ' The mind of a ram goat, The smile of ajackass. To these add the heart Of a slimy shake Vr And the sputter of a Thomas-cat ; btir m a lot of other filth That stinks real loud ; ; Add to all this the slyness That belongs to a suck-egg dbg, ; And you will haye the real essence Of a stinking, damnable. All-fired, news-toting liar. Formula Department. , If your hair is falling out; stick your, head in. a barrel of glue three times a day until cured. " If you are troubled with a bleed ing nose, stick, a .bale of hay in each nostril and let it remain till cured. v ... v- . . ii . . - - i .. v ...-.... ' .. i - -One half-nnnndvnf vdvnamite placed in a holler toothahd touch ed off will stop the toothache im mediately. v , . " -: V ; ; . ' - THE POLITICAL POT HAS I. BILED OVER. to faint. For; behold The FnnU Kilier.is going to submit a ! few remarks that may not set on your topcli-me-nbt tummick as grace fullf as a town gal a-straddle of a hcfes. ; - Seakih of politics, it looks to me Eie there is heri dnji nearly ready t to lay, and . several big niggers in the wood pile; In the language of the poet, it simply beats the devil and Tom Walker I am utterly sickened 7 and 1 dis gusted with all this confounded cat-clawing and hypocritical hu- rawihg , among 'the ' big-bellied' bosses ot peanut politics, and Pve just got to say something or bust. ' ' .. v;;".; - ....; - . ' v. .- . r . Thi Vine Vkoon flia ArnknAn'n- shaking up oi political dry bones that this . 'country has ' had since xieu was a pup. juia tne music has just begun, as the Irishman said when he .shot the feller's head off ; v ' , ' About three wears ; ago 1 1 oTis covered that I had outgrown my little Republican Jump-jacket. and- wouid soon have to get me a new political garment, but I was sorter in doubt as to what it would be. Had becrun the stndv . , - : : of Socialism, and kinder liked it, but the idea of becominsr a Social ist was rather remote. " Conclud ed to wear my old ReDublican duds as long as they .would hang on me. But I got more and more ashamed of them every day that God sent? and kept looking out for a chance to shed 'em off. .The Chicago ;Steam-Roller Pukeifica- tion came, snorting . along and split the old party from hell" to breakfast nd that; settled it. I can stand agdod deial but that dogreat-dog performdnce was a little too rich for my appetite! -I have looked over the Dolitical field to see what I could find, and tneoniy tnmg that looks half way decent is the Socialist bunch. They are not perfect, by a jug- -full, but they are the. best thing in sight. Some of them don't be lieve in God, but I've got ten thnes more respect for an honest infidel than I have for these-here old mealy-mouthed, double-faced darned 'hypocrites who make up : a big part of the modern , church. Socialism is really and truly, de manding. the things that -Christ advocated, .while the so-called church of Christ is bitterly opr yusnig mem. ine cnurcn has drifted away from the teachings of its Lord and Master to such an extent that if He should appear on earth today and preach the' same gospel He preached before, His church would be the first to cry, Crucify Him!",- No doubt about that. " An honest and unprejudiced survey of the whole situation Has forced me to the conclusion that the Democratic party and both wings of the Republican party -are abject slaves and servants to ; the money power and the Pope of Rome. The Woodpilers, the Grinnygrunts and the Teddytads are all willing and anxious to swap principle for pie. "They will trade, traffic or fuse; buy, . beg or steal anything to get votes. And no matter which of the gang gets in; the result will be the same. Wall Street will continue to be the capital of the nation; drones and: deadbeats will . feast and honest men will starve. Therefore don't call me a Re publican any more. And for the Lord's sake, don't call me 'a Democrat. If you want to call ine anything, call me a Socialist. . I want to get a letter vright plum quick from every person who reada these lines, and I want each letter to contain a whopping big club. I f V .V;-?
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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July 1, 1912, edition 1
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